I received three more responses to my letters to New York State Senators in support of the Marriage Equality Bill. However, one of these replies was from a senator who simply forwarded my letter to the senator who directly represents me, Daniel L. Squadron. So, I can’t really count that one. To date, of the 39 letters I mailed in May, I’ve received four serious responses, or 10%. Since then the Senate passed through an embarrassing power-struggle gridlock, with senators jumping parties and legislation put on hold. Now that a Democratic majority has again been restore (for the time being), it looks like marriage equality will not be considered until the fall.
But before I present those letters and my responses, I want to share a dialogue I heard on the radio between WNYC radio host Brian Lehrer and Senator Ruben Diaz, Sr. from the Bronx. Senator Diaz is one of the most outspoken opponents of gay marriage in the Senate and held a rally the same day as the Marriage Equality Rally I attended. What was remarkable about their conversation was Sen. Diaz’s laughter as Mr. Lehrer asked a crucial question – how is anyone hurt if New York permits gay marriage?
Brian Lehrer: Why do you care who gets married? Who would get hurt by this?
Senator Diaz: Everyone gets hurt.
BL: Everyone gets hurt?
SD: Everyone gets hurt. (starts to laugh)
BL: I don't get hurt. (Diaz chuckles heartily) How do you get hurt?
SD: (laughing) Everyone gets hurt.
BL: (while Diaz continues to laugh) How do you get hurt?
SD: (laughing) How do I get hurt? (composes himself) My belief get hurts. My, my, my, my, uh, understanding of family values get hurts. My belief in the Bible get hurts.
For an issue that supposedly takes on biblical proportions for Senator Diaz, his jovial response seems to indicate that even the Senator himself cannot take his position seriously. I know that Sen. Diaz is passionate about his stand on same-sex marriage, but that moment on the Brian Lehrer Show revealed a conscious or unconscious admission that the rationale for opposing marriage equality is… laughable. Also, how can one’s beliefs be hurt? Are not beliefs based on personal convictions, despite those with contrary views? I do not believe in murder, yet people continue to murder. Is my belief then shaken and called into question? Of course not. Perhaps the senator is truly concerned because he knows, deep down, that civil rights must triumph over any credence that opposes equality. (By the way, Sen. Diaz has not responded to or acknowledged my letter to him.)
Here is the response I received from Senator Darrel J. Aubertine. Sen. Aubertine represents the counties of Oswego, Jefferson and St. Lawrence:
Thank you for contacting me to express your view on marriage equality in New York State. I understand the importance of this issue to so many people in this region and throughout the state.
While I am not ready to vote in favor of same-sex marriage, I have listened to the stories of many affected by this issue and I take seriously all issues of discrimination. I share your view that everyone deserves equal rights and justice under the law. Though we may not see eye to eye on same-sex marriage, there are many issues where I am certain we share common ground.
I look forward to having more open and respectful discussions on this issue as I continue to work for you and my constituents.
Darrel J. Aubertine
State Senator
My reply:
Thank you for your thoughtful reply to my letter supporting the Marriage Equality Bill. Please take a moment to consider my response.
You write that "everyone deserves equal rights and justice under the law." I agree with you, but I wonder how you can reconcile that statement with your opposition to marriage equality. In New York State, gay rights are specifically protected by the Sexual Orientation Non-Discrimination Act. If NYS legally acknowledges the rights of gay citizens (as well as the need to formally protect those rights), then is it not inconsistent to deny them the same privileges as heterosexuals?
I am somewhat encouraged by your statement that you are “not ready to vote in favor of same-sex marriage,” suggesting that at some point you may be prepared to take that position. Perhaps you already understand the inevitability of marriage equality. As we have seen with other civil rights causes, including the struggle of women and African Americans, arguments that oppose basic rights ultimately break down logically and morally. I hope that your commitment to equality and justice convinces you to not only vote in favor of gay marriage but to also persuade your colleagues who oppose this bill to join you.
I would be interested in your thoughts on the relationship between the Sexual Orientation Non-Discrimination Act and the Marriage Equality Bill.
Senator Brian X. Foley is from Long Island:
Thank you for contacting my office regarding the issue of marriage equality. Citizens who keep in touch with their elected officials play a crucial role in our legislative process.
As your senator, I am pleased to take your views on the issue of marriage equality into account. I am proud of my legislative record in support of enhancing rights for the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered (LGBT) community and your input is part of my deliberative process and will aid me in making a responsible decision on the issue.
I sincerely hope that you will continue to communicate with my office on this and other important issues throughout the year. From reducing property taxes to delivering aid to our schools, to ensuring that my constituents have access to quality, affordable healthcare, I am committed to improving the lives of working-families through Suffolk County.
If my office can be of any further assistance to you on this or any other matter, please do not hesitate to contact my office at (631) 360-3365.
Brian X. Foley
Senator
My reply:
Thank you for your thoughtful reply to my letter supporting the Marriage Equality Bill. Although you did not commit yourself to a position on same-sex marriage, I am encouraged by your pride in your legislative record concerning the LGBT community and your openness to deliberation on this issue.
Some of the senators I have written have responded by offering civil unions as an alternative to gay couples. This solution is one that satisfies the contractual necessities of marriage, but does not address the emotional necessities. The Marriage Equality Bill is as much about expressing love as it is about guaranteeing civil rights. Marriage is in many ways a public pronouncement of a couple's love and commitment. That marriage becomes an identity for the two, forever joined and facing the challenges of life together. Of course, that is when the marriage works out. But all loving couples should have the ability to marry, because when marriage does work, the union makes our society stronger.
Perhaps you already understand the inevitability of marriage equality. As we have seen with other civil rights causes, including the struggle of women and African Americans, arguments that oppose basic rights ultimately break down logically and morally. I hope that your commitment to LGBT issues convinces you to not only vote in favor of same-sex marriage but to also persuade your colleagues who oppose this bill to join you.
Please keep me informed of the status of your position on this bill.
Senator Vincent L. Leibell, representing counties between Rockland and Columbia, thought he could pass along my letter to another senator:
Thank you for your letter concerning the Marriage Equality Bill.
As is customary for the New York State Senate to have the representing senator respond to his or her constituents, I have forwarded your letter to Senator Daniel L. Squadron for his consideration.
Sincerely,
Senator Vincent L. Leibell, 40th Senate District
And my response:
I was disappointed in your reply to my recent letter supporting the Marriage Equality Bill. You wrote that “it is customary for the New York State Senate to have the representing senator respond to his or her constituents,” and forwarded my letter to Senator Daniel L. Squadron. However, I have received four letters to date engaging in a discussion of marriage equality from senators who do not directly represent me. You are the only senator who evoked this practice.
While I appreciated receiving a response from Senator Squadron, I was already aware of his stand on same-sex marriage. I am interested in your own thoughts on the issue and how you plan to vote when the bill is presented to the Senate.
Although Senator Squadron represents my specific location in New York State, all state senators represent the interests of my family. I would appreciate the kind of response that you would provide to one of your own constituents.
Sincerely,
David Terhune
(I took the photo above at the Marriage Equality Rally, NYC, May 17, 2009)